Have You Ever Lost Yourself? 3 Steps to Get Yourself Back
For more than a decade, I’ve been a singer/songwriter and worship leader in churches across the country and in recent months, joined the staff of a large, very cool rocking church in suburban Midwest USA.
And when this opportunity came along, I thought I had arrived. I got to play fun music and music I would have been kicked out of church for playing just a few years earlier.
And yet something got off-track for me quickly. The other musicians and leaders in this church were extremely cool. I mean melt-your-face-off-guitar-shredding cool. These guys could rock a stage. It was like going to a U2 concert, and suddenly, I was sharing the stage. And I felt this pressure to not bring the energy down.
So there I was, pacing the stage, doing kicks that would later make my Clark Griswold-aging body ache with growing pains, and banging my head to loud guitars, crashing drums, and flashing LED lights. I’m a dad of three kids, changing diapers, cleaning up spilled milk and spit-up, but when I’m on the stage, I’m a rocker: cool enough to feel fifteen years younger.
Only, I’m not cool enough.
First of all, let me state for the record that I am still one-hundred percent honored (and flabbergasted) that I was selected to play for these packed-out crowds and help their second campus in its early days of growth. It is absolutely a blast and I love this aspect of my life!
But, make no mistake, it became exhausting quickly; I didn’t look cool in tight t-shirts; and those jump kicks were more apt to throw my back out than to get applause (I am in my thirties now, for Pete’s sake.) And I began to realize that I looked more uncomfortable and awkward than cool.
I had lost myself.
While I love playing music and getting crowds excited, I also have to admit that it was very easy to lose myself in the quest to be relevant. Don’t get me wrong: I may be no spring chicken but I’m no geezer either. I have my fair share of people who love what I do (not that it’s about that anyway). But I also had to get real with myself.
I had to get honest about 3 things:
1. I was acting out of insecurity, not confidence.
2. Whenever I would compare myself to much more able-bodied rockers, I’d wind up feeling discouraged.
3. I had created all of this.
It was time to make a change:
Make no mistake, when insecurity strikes you, it infects the people you’re around. People know when you’re insecure, and they know when you’re not yourself.
This insecurity showed itself to those I worked around and to those I played music with.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I’m not a head-banging rocker. I like to play guitars and make great music, and I love to get involved in the music that I’m playing so that it moves me, but if I’m all over the place, I get clumsy fast.
And I had to come to terms with the reality that I’m okay with not being the rocker.
I’m okay being me.
Here’s 3 steps to getting yourself back!
Maybe you’re no musician or singer or worship leader. But maybe you’re stuck in living someone else’s life. Maybe you’re trying so hard to model your job as the person before you or as your boss that you’re losing yourself in the process.
Step One: KNOW Your Strengths
You have them! And odds are, you have a bunch. Take a step back and take an honest inventory of your strengths. Write down all of the skills you bring to the table. Write them down!
Go on. Write them down!
Step Two: KNOW Your Weaknesses
Here’s the thing: you are probably already doing too many of these weaknesses because you’re trying to do what somebody ELSE is doing. Take a step back and write down areas you aren’t so great at. Because we’re going to learn how to do our best work by bringing our STRENGTHS to the majority of our jobs, not weaknesses.
Step Three: Use Your STRENGTHS to Be Your True Rockstar
You have the ability to bring your greatest assets to your job, to your life. It’s time to know those strengths and STRATEGICALLY put them into place, using them in your job. Be intentional about it. Write your plan to do it! Once I stopped being somebody I wasn’t, I set things in motion to allow myself to do my job very well!
And it helps to know what your passion is so you can live it!
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What About You?
Have you ever played to your weaknesses? Even in your dream job? How did you learn to use your strengths to make a difference? Write your comments below.
About the author
Bryan Thompson has been helping people to achieve their goals for more than twelve years. As an associate pastor for over a decade, he has helped people set big goals for their lives, figure out their ONE most important thing in life, and take massive ACTION! If you are stuck in your life, contact Bryan here!
Alik Levin
February 20, 2012 • 4:52 am
Bryan,
.
I like your three steps approach – simple and actionable. I especially like your call to focus on strengths vs. improving weaknesses. There were times when I tried to identify my weak areas and invest heavily in it, That usually was painful no fun process w/little or no results at the end – even more pain. I changed approach to “playing to my strengths” and the world started show me its brighter side
Good stuff!
Alik Levin recently posted..Time Management Tip–Keep Just Enough Information At Hand
Bryan
February 21, 2012 • 6:06 pm
Thanks Alik! I think unfortunately, we all have spent way too much time investing in areas that aren’t even CLOSE to our strengths. Why go to all the trouble? Sure, we should work on personal weaknesses (such as being kinder, more attentive to detail, etc.) but if you’re terrible at confrontation (as I am), you’ll never be great at it. It’s not who you are. Stick with your strengths! Thanks for your comment!
Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker
February 20, 2012 • 11:43 am
Bryan,
Your three steps do rock! When I want to re-discover my strengths I take a moment to (1) pray, and (2) listen to my inner wisdom – which speaks to me because I pray.
It’s in that moment I remember the way He made me and I’m able to get going again.
Thanks for a personal, thoughtful post.
Alex
Bryan
February 21, 2012 • 6:07 pm
Alex, you’ve hit the most important thing: Pray. Without ceasing. If our lives and our minds are continually focused on God and what we’re grateful for, we’ll find those strengths easily. And we’ll be open to wisdom! Appreciate your thoughts, my friend.
Lori Gosselin
February 20, 2012 • 2:00 pm
Have you ever lost yourself?! What a question Bryan! It seems to be my theme of late! I’ve just picked up a great book by Maxwell Maltz about self-image. It’s got me thinking (a treasure, by the way – http://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Self-Fulfillment-M-D-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0553105353/ref=sr_1_27?ie=UTF8&qid=1329746280&sr=8-27) and as I face the 4th (not second, not third but fourth) stage of independence of my grown children I’m reevaluating who-the-heck-I-am in the world (sure to blog about it too
So, I like this post! I think you capture it best with this line bolded and larger than all the rest: “And it helps to know what your passion is so you can live it!” I wonder if finding your passion is a life-long quest, if it changes over time. For instance, my passion was parenting, but that job has diminished. Now what? THAT is the question!
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted..What Is Real?
Bryan
February 21, 2012 • 6:08 pm
Lori, thanks for the book link. I will be sure and add it to my “To Read” list. I can only imagine how difficult it must be when your kids leave the house. I’m not there yet and can only imagine I’ll be a wreck. But it also gives you the chance to rediscover yourself.
Thanks so much for the comment and the encouragement! It is always appreciated!
Noch Noch | be me. be natural.
February 20, 2012 • 3:07 pm
great 3 steps – i’d add that sometimes we need to stretch our strengths a little for we are capable of things we cannot imagine!
Noch Noch
Noch Noch | be me. be natural. recently posted..10 things not to say to a depressed person (and please don’t ever say to me either)
Bryan
February 21, 2012 • 6:09 pm
Noch, it’s always a good idea to stretch ourselves. Challenges are wonderful things to rise to, as long as we face them with open minds and confidence to meet them.
Thank you for your comment!
Nancy Shields
February 20, 2012 • 10:48 pm
Great thought provoking post my friend Bryan!
Been there, done it and got my trophy and reward – the reward is to learn to live in your truth! Stay focused on who you are and staying confident in that person.
Worthiness!!!!
You are worthy just the way GOD made you and that makes things really great!
In living in the possibilities of life,
Nancy
Nancy Shields recently posted..THE DAY THAT TURNS YOUR LIFE AROUND…
Bryan
February 21, 2012 • 6:10 pm
Thank you, Nancy! I especially love this: “You are worthy just the way GOD made you and that makes things really great!”
The way God made you! I appreciate your kind words!
Kristin
February 22, 2012 • 3:05 am
I love that too Nancy. That is a great thing to tell the kids too.
Kristin recently posted..Have You Ever Lost Yourself? 3 Steps to Get Yourself Back
Kristin
February 22, 2012 • 3:08 am
I have watched you evolve into this great worship leader that goes beyond just singing a song. You are awesome at what you do and that is only because God put all that in you. I’ve asked myself recently these questions,
“Do you doubt God?” No.
“Do you doubt that God made you unique?” No.
“Then don’t doubt your purpose!”
Yes, I have this conversation with myself. It works.
You work. And I love you.
Kristin recently posted..Have You Ever Lost Yourself? 3 Steps to Get Yourself Back
Bryan Thompson
February 22, 2012 • 3:44 am
Thank you, love. I love that you’ve stood by me through all the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s quite a journey we’ve walked together. And I’d do it all over again if it was the only way I could be guaranteed I’d have you with me. I love you.
The Vizier
February 22, 2012 • 3:24 am
Hi Bryan,
I remember when I was younger, I tried to be someone I was not to fit in with people whom I thought were cool. It didn’t turn out well largely because of the effort I had to make to be someone I wasn’t.
Eventually I stopped trying to be who I wasn’t and embraced my own strengths and weaknesses. It didn’t matter if the things I enjoyed were not cool or hip. What mattered was that I was happy doing the things I loved. By embracing this part of myself, it allowed me to be authentic and since this was the real me, I could maintain it naturally with little effort.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. It is best to follow our own unique paths of who we were meant to be than to be someone else.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
The Vizier recently posted..The Vizier on Being Tactful
Bryan Thompson
February 22, 2012 • 3:46 am
Irving, it all boils down to what makes you happy. You’re the one who lives in your life. And you can make that an effort to be someone else, or you can embrace yourself and know what makes yourself tick. Your path is unique indeed, and only you can know what that is for yourself. Appreciate you feedback, my friend.
Galen Pearl
February 23, 2012 • 12:07 am
I have good news for you. As you get older, you lose yourself less and less. I am a few decades ahead of you, and while I could completely relate to your message (well, I was never a rock star!), I realized that I had not lost myself in a long time. I read your post remember what that felt like, how easy it was for me to do it, and how I learned to get myself back over and over. Finally, it just stuck with me.
I love being this age and having a good idea of what is right for me and what isn’t. For example, I am doing something now I really enjoy, but I didn’t have enough confidence or time to do when I was younger. I practice taekwondo and got my black belt last November. But at my age, I can’t do what the younger folks do. I’m careful about my knees and my neck. It’s hard sometimes not to try to be a rock star, but I have to take myself where I am now and accept that.
Anyway, great post.
Galen Pearl recently posted..Feelings on My Mind
Bryan
February 23, 2012 • 4:09 am
Galen, wow! Taekwondo! And a Black Belt no less! What an awesome accomplishment! And I think you’re right. We do get more confident in yourself as we grow and progress. It sounds like you have really changed your perspective and learned a lot of insight.
Brigid | The Inspired Notebook
February 23, 2012 • 11:47 am
Hi Bryan,
Having personally dubbed 2011 as ‘the year I lost myself’, the title of this post absolutely struck a chord with me!
For me, my feeling of losing myself came not so much from trying to be something (or someone) that I’m not, but more from losing touch with, and not making time for, things that I’d valued so much and that had previously brought me so much happiness. The result was similar to what you found – by the end of the year, I was certainly experiencing insecurity & discouragement, but also was aware that only I can change the situation, as I’d allowed it to happen.
I love that your 3 steps are so simple: Know your strengths, Know your weaknesses, USE your strengths!!! Simple, but effective for those who follow them!
Thanks for the great post. It’s a great reminder too that there are many ways that our gifts and talents can be used – but not all of them are the right way for us!
Brigid | The Inspired Notebook recently posted..February Creative Challenge: Subway / Word Art (and last month’s Fabric Hoops)
Bryan Thompson
February 24, 2012 • 2:29 am
Hi Brigid, thanks for sharing your story! Yes, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in trying to make everything perfect for so many other people that we forget to take care of ourselves. Our desires matter. our plans matter. Thanks for sharing. And I’m glad you found yourself!
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