8 Keys that will Make Your Relationship Indestructible

Written by Bryan Thompson on February 14, 2012 in Relationships - 10 Comments

FEATURED-8KeysToMakeYourRelationshipIndestructible

Happy Valentine’s Day! As you celebrate a day of love with your special someone or as you DREAM of connecting with a special someone, Kristin and I have joined forces today to talk about EIGHT KEYS to make your special relationship indestructible.

We’re going to lay them out there and talk about each one:

1 – Know your expectations and KNOW your partner

Kristin: Don’t play games and think that your spouse can read your mind. Don’t be afraid to vocalize your expectations of gift-giving, kids, sex, money, and the list goes on and on.

Bryan: It’s true. I’m a terrible gift-giver. I would try and surprise Kristin each year for our anniversary. True story: some would end in TEARS!

2 – Know how YOU give and receive love

Bryan: This is critical. A lot of people wind up unhappy in marriages and relationships and each time, they’re blaming something on their partner. But often, they don’t even know what their own love language is!

I’d recommend everybody reading Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages. You and your partner both have one, and it’s always essential to know your own first!

Kristin: You can’t understand how to give love until you understand yourself and how you receive love. It’s kind of the same scenario: you can’t know where you’re going in life unless you know who you are.

3 – Know how your PARTNER gives and receives love

Bryan: In addition to knowing your own love language, make sure and know your partner’s love language. Here’s a hint: the way he/she receives love is their natural form of giving love, too. That’s not to say you should be with someone just like you (my wife and I are POLAR opposites). But once you learn each other’s language, love comes from giving to them the way they receive it, not the way YOU receive it.

Kristin: If I had not known that Bryan receives love through words of affirmation, I would have continued to give him gifts and spending quality time, thinking I was giving him love (my languages). Learning these key elements has brought more respect and understanding into our relationship.

4 – DATE each other

Bryan: This was a tough one for me and one that took a long time for me to learn. Especially if you have children. Getting into a rut is easy to do. Kristin and I aren’t always able to go out (we have 3 young kids under the age of 7), but we find one night a week to do a Take-Out Night. We eat something nice when the kids go to bed.

Kristin: Since implementing the “Take-Out Night” one night a week, it gives me something to look forward to each week. Also, we try to find ways to be creative in that. Whether we eat our dinner on the floor by the fireplace or in bed or at the table, we make it exciting and fun.

5 – LISTEN to each other; don’t think of what you’re going to say next

Bryan: I have to admit, I’m bad about this one. I’m the “talker,” and so I can often seem like I’m “selling” Kristin on something when we’re in a discussion. I’m not great at conflict, so when we’re in one, I have had to learn to shut my mouth AND my mind and LISTEN. Truly understand what she’s saying.

Kristin: I totally agree with Bryan. He does try to sell sometimes. Seriously, I think it’s a natural human response to try and think of responses while the other person is talking. But when you really do stop and listen, you hear things you otherwise wouldn’t hear. I think it’s also good to repeat back what they’re saying, so there’s no miscommunication.

6 – LAUGH often

Bryan: Kristin is good at this one with me because we like to laugh a LOT. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. You’re best friends and that’s how it’s DESIGNED to be! LOVE life together!

Kristin: This is easy because Bryan is a pretty funny guy. And we have three little kids so it gives us plenty of material for laughter, if we ALLOW it to make us laugh.

7 – Be Spontaneous

Bryan: I’m good at this one because I tend to be very spontaneous. I like just up-and-getting out of town for a day off. Sometimes it really helps to shake off the grind and just explore things together.

Kristin: And PLAN to be spontaneous. Don’t always know what you have to do ahead of time. Sometimes it’s good to just know you’re going to be together for the day and let the decisions happen as they come.

8 – PLAN Time Together

Bryan: Being spontaneous is great and doing spontaneous things together are great, but let’s be realistic: you don’t always have time or money to do those extra-special spontaneous things. It’s a good idea to plan your time together. If you’re on a budget, take in a Redbox movie and make a nice meal together. The important thing is being together. Take that best-friend thing seriously!

Kristin: I don’t think I could say it better than that.

What about you?

Have you come across secrets and tips that make your relationship exciting? Write your ideas down (keep it work-friendly) in the comment section!

About the author

Bryan Thompson has been helping people to achieve their goals for more than twelve years. As an associate pastor for over a decade, he has helped people set big goals for their lives, figure out their ONE most important thing in life, and take massive ACTION! If you are stuck in your life, contact Bryan here!

10 Replies to 8 Keys that will Make Your Relationship Indestructible

Reply

The Vizier

February 14, 2012 • 1:17 pm

Hi Bryan and Kristin,

I love the way you two write your articles. It is definitely fun to read when you join forces. The both of you have certainly put together great advice on making a relationship indestructible and here are some of the thoughts that came to mind as I read through them.

1. Ah I was just talking about this in my latest article. We simply cannot expect our loved ones to be mind readers even if they know us very well. If we do not express ourselves, how is someone else to know what we think or feel?

(Bryan, I hope those tears that came with the surprise for Kristin on your anniversary were tears of joy. )

2 & 3. This is about understanding yourself and your other fully and deeply. It may not come overnight and it may involve lots of trial and error, but it is certainly worth the effort if you want the relationship to last. Still it can be a fun and interesting discovery and journey. And to find someone who will accept and love you for who you are is a great blessing.

5. Yeah this is always a problem in relationships. I think it is a good idea to clarify what you want at the start of the conversation so that it is easier for the other partner to provide the necessary support. It basically boils down to people not being mind-readers. So if I wanted a listening ear, I would say so. If I wanted advice I would say so. There is less room for miscommunication and misunderstanding this way.

6, 7 & 8. The greatest loves are formed amongst people who are the best of friends. If you cannot have fun together, face hardships together and discuss and plan everything together, then it is hard to see how the relationship can last. There will always be barriers that could cause problems in the future. But if you can do all this, then any difficulties that arise will be easier to resolve because you know each other well and work well together.

Thank you for sharing this lovely article!

Irving the Vizier
The Vizier recently posted..How to Immortalize Special Moments in Life
- Reply
  
  Bryan Thompson
  
  February 14, 2012 • 9:13 pm
  
  Irving, first, I must say I really love reading your comments. I love how actively you are engaged in the process of blogging and networking. You get it, man! And I really appreciate you reading!
  
  The tears weren’t always joy, let me tell you. And to be honest, sometimes, people don’t like to be surprised. My wife is one of those. She likes to plan and she likes to know what’s coming. Now, the way I do it is by showing her something in the RANGE of what I KNOW she likes and then I usually surprise her that way.
  
  Regarding the best friend thing, I really do see it that way, and think if you’re going to have a relationship that works for the long haul, you’ll do best to be that special other’s one and only best friend in the universe. She’ll have lots of friends and even best friends, but I want to make sure I know her like nobody else will.
  
  Thanks again, buddy!
Reply

Kari

February 14, 2012 • 7:41 pm

Number 2 is so important. I haven’t thought about it too much until now, but it’s true! What makes you happy and feel loved doesn’t necessarily hold the same weight for your partner. I will have to get my hands on that book and check it out! Thanks for sharing.
Kari recently posted..How To Make Peanut Butter at Home – 3 Easy Steps
- Reply
  
  Bryan Thompson
  
  February 14, 2012 • 9:14 pm
  
  Thanks Kari! Yes, it’s always good to know yourself inside out before you can know your partner inside out. That way you know who you are and where you’re going. Thank you for your comment!
Reply

Nancy Shields

February 14, 2012 • 10:20 pm

I love what you both stand for – great examples of LOVE – BRAVO to you both – I’m sure it’s been work but work that is worthwhile and guess who will benefit most from it – besides you and Kristin – YES your children!

Staying in LOVE with your partner is the hard part – the easy part is rising in love at first. You give some key points and love languages very important –

Here’s to staying in love with your best friend,
Nancy
Nancy Shields recently posted..ONLY ONE KIND OF LOVE – STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART…..
- Reply
  
  Bryan Thompson
  
  February 14, 2012 • 10:46 pm
  
  Nancy, thank you for the comment! You’re right, the STAYING in love is work sometimes (I probably don’t make it easy all the time) but learning to listen more and act based on how you know the other responds makes it all possible. Thank you for the comment!
Reply

Josh Sarz

February 14, 2012 • 11:14 pm

The biggest takeaway for me here is that you can’t just keep your partner guessing all the time. It usually ends badly especially when one of you has high expectations. This was tremendously true with the relationship I have with my partner. We didn’t really vocalize what we wanted, and just ended up half-satisfied.

Bryan, I really love how you and your wife are running and writing on this blog together.
Josh Sarz recently posted..Why Your Business Will Fail If You Don’t Follow These Hidden Rules
- Reply
  
  Bryan Thompson
  
  February 15, 2012 • 5:00 am
  
  Thanks Josh. I appreciate the feedback. We have a pretty good thing, my wife and I. But we had to learn some tough lessons, too. Especially with the guessing games. If you can stand by each other and be willing to learn, you’ll get there. Trust me on that.
Reply

J.D. Meier

February 15, 2012 • 1:40 am

I like the “date each other” point. There’s something about keeping the fun alive and keeping things interesting.
J.D. Meier recently posted..What I’ve Learned About Love
- Reply
  
  Bryan Thompson
  
  February 15, 2012 • 5:01 am
  
  JD, honestly, I’m a little slow at learning those lessons sometimes and could kick myself for times I could have kept things fun even at the worst times. But better late than never.