How do you Pick Yourself Up When You’ve just Struck Out?
The first time I got fired, I handled everything the wrong way.
It was March of 2005, and I had been on the job for less than seven weeks. I knew I was in over my head the moment I began. The job was intense, but it didn’t help that there were people from the start that didn’t like me. They’d had their own ideas about who should have my job, and the moment I began, they began gunning for me.
And on one fateful Wednesday, they won. I went to work and was met with a severance package. A few people watched as I packed away my office. I was humiliated.
When I couldn’t find another job as fast as I wanted, I lost my way. For four solid months, I moped around the house. I was depressed. I think I remembered to shower but that may have been about it.
I had lost myself in the rejection. And the next year was a painful journey of terrible temp jobs and a rocky relationship with my wife. She was angry and had every right to be.
The second time I got fired, I decided to find myself.
It was almost two years later. By then, I had gotten myself back on track, was working in a field close to what I wanted, and was mostly having fun with what I was doing. When the economy took a turn for the worse this time, I found myself on the same side of a familiar feeling.
Having been down that road all too recently, I decided to do things very differently this time.
What do you do when you’ve just gotten crushed?
Have you recently lost your job? Lost a relationship? Maybe burned a bridge with your parent or kid?
Sometimes, life can throw unexpected curve balls your way. The important thing is learning how to handle your response the RIGHT way and NOT the WRONG way.
And in my experience, there are FOUR steps to
STEP ONE: SURROUND YOURSELF IN CONFIDENCE BOOSTING
Before you begin to analyze all the ways things could have gone wrong (and in the end, knowing what went wrong rarely can fix what already happened), you need to tap into a source that will begin to lift your spirits IMMEDIATELY!
Within 24 hours, you should be confiding into someone who will build you up. You must find a way to get the message that you’re a great person with a lot to give. Here are a few ways:
- Talk to a friend or family member who you know will encourage you.
- Go to the library and check out an audio self-help program.
- Listen to online talks by people who will instantly inspire you – people like Tony Robbins, Marcus Buckingham, or even my own pastor, Tommy Sparger.
- Join a small group at a church or community center you attend.
It’s CRITICAL that you know your self-worth. You are a valuable human being who matters to your creator and to this world.
STEP TWO: BEGIN INVESTING IN YOURSELF
Maybe there are things you could learn about what went wrong in your job, your relationship, etc. But the best place to start is understanding who YOU are and what YOU’RE capable of.
Make a list of your positive and negative qualities. Be honest. As our old friend Dr. Phil likes to say, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” Write your good traits down as well as your misses.
With that list, begin reading books, blogs, and listening to audio programs that will help you grow in those strengths of yours and possibly help drown out those weaknesses.
STEP THREE: BEGIN TO DREAM OF WHAT’S POSSIBLE
This is where life can truly change for a lot of people. This is the stage where a lot of now-successful people made the decision to do something different.
For a lot of people, this was when they stopped dwelling on their failed job, marriage, relationship, etc. and began dreaming of how things could be.
This was when the idea came to start that business, get into the best shape of their lives, learn a new hobby, or get closer to God.
Please understand: If you don’t start by building yourself up and investing in yourself, these dreams will often leave you feeling inadequate to carry them out. You MUST allow yourself to be inspired and to be challenged. You need to know you have what it takes.
And trust me, you do have what it takes.
STEP FOUR: BEGIN PUTTING YOUR DREAM INTO ACTION
Once you’ve begun to dream, and you have the confidence in yourself to carry it out, it’s time to start moving toward your dream immediately! By now, the mistakes of your past are clearly over, and you have begun a healthy new life.
You will likely still wonder what happened at times, but you can always count on a chance to start over. And for some of you, that may just be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Have you ever bounced back from a job loss or relationship break-up? How did you get through it? What caused you to move forward? What advice would you give others? Leave a comment and let us know.
About the author
Bryan Thompson has been helping people to achieve their goals for more than twelve years. As an associate pastor for over a decade, he has helped people set big goals for their lives, figure out their ONE most important thing in life, and take massive ACTION! If you are stuck in your life, contact Bryan here!
Stuart
September 14, 2011 • 6:58 am
Ah Bryan, it’s great to see you back in the game again!
I wasn’t aware that you were having trouble with hosting, that’s a shame. I did notice that I wasn’t able to access your archives, which was also a shame because I couldn’t find my guest post in there!
Still, it seems like you’re back on your feet, so I wish you the very best with the new-look Elevation Life, and I wish you, Kristin, and the family the very best in life.
Welcome home amigo!
Bryan
September 15, 2011 • 3:48 am
Stu, thanks for all the patience you had in me. I’m still working on getting all my old posts and guest posts on here. For some reason, the technical details are glitching up a bit. If worse comes to worse, I still have all the original documents, so I’ll repost them.
Appreciate your friendship! And glad you had a great trip! I’ll be reading more about it soon!
John Sherry
September 14, 2011 • 7:24 am
Superb Bryan, a positive big-up post to look up and forwards instead of down and back. I’ve been in the firing line too and didn’t embrace the awareness that it was the chance to step up, to elevate my skills and worth in the work world and awaken untapped inner abilities. I wouldn’t be leaving this comment otherwise.
We can play safe and small and sometimes losing our job leads to finding what we were always meant to do! Love the vibe here.
Bryan
September 15, 2011 • 3:49 am
John, right you are. And I understand where you’re coming from. I didn’t embrace it the way I should have at the time. Especially the first time. Hindsight is funny like that. Have a great weekend!
Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker
September 14, 2011 • 10:55 am
Great to see you back at the plate and swinging for the fences!
To answer your question, my faith keeps me moving. Its nudges me and reminds me of my purpose, so I keep going!
Alex
Bryan
September 15, 2011 • 3:51 am
Alex, faith is a beautiful thing. Learning to utilize it to make every area of life full can be challenging, but it leads to an absolutely incredible journey if we are up to it.
Thanks for your continued friendship!
Julie | A Clear Sign
September 14, 2011 • 1:59 pm
Been there – fired, laid off. Most of us have at one time or another, or will find ourselves there. Hopefully when it happens you aren’t surprised, but no matter how much you may see it coming, it still hits you in the gut.
It is a chance to reflect and reorient. You (anyone)may have been off path so the universe boots you off the page in the hope that you’ll see it for what it is – an opportunity.
Bryan
September 15, 2011 • 3:52 am
Julie, I wish I could say I had that kind of enthusiasm when it happened, but I suppose none of us do at the time. But it can be a major blessing if we stop to consider the opportunity that lies ahead. Thanks for your comment!
Dia
September 14, 2011 • 5:05 pm
Hi Bryan,
Good to see you back my friend.
For me, the best way to bounce back is to keep focusing on the solution and take action. This helps us to reduce the anxiety that we feel and move forward. Have faith that things will be better is crucial. Thanks for sharing
Bryan
September 15, 2011 • 3:53 am
Dia, Good to be back, my friend. Looking forward to catching up! I think you’re absolutely right. Keep the vision (long-term) and continually take action toward it. Thanks for your perspective!
Sherry Thompson
September 15, 2011 • 1:40 am
That’s exactly where I am right now. Needed this and plan to take the necessary steps to move forward and not look backwards. Thanks!
Bryan
September 15, 2011 • 3:55 am
Mom, thanks for commenting. My prayers are with you now. Keep looking up. Great adventure is on the horizon. Love you!
Lori Gosselin
September 15, 2011 • 10:07 am
Hi Bryan,
It’s funny how the down times build us up the most because it’s then that we’re forced to find options and DO something about it! It seems the more we fight our way out of situations like this the better we become at the fight! When I run into a snag now, big or small, I just set my mind to finding a solution and the solution is not long in coming.
Good for you for fighting back and turning your experience into something that can inspire others. I was wondering where you’d gone
Lori
Bryan
September 16, 2011 • 1:09 am
Lori, thanks for your comment! Good to be back in the blogosphere. There is almost always a solution – usually one that isn’t too far from under our noses. Glad my experiences can help others!
Kate Irwin
September 15, 2011 • 10:19 am
Hello Bryan,
I really like this post, especially your point about investing in yourself….use time, energy, money…you are worth all of it!
Having said that, I do think that sometimes a short period of feeling sad, down, lost is not necessarily a bad thing. If we have for example, lost a partner, recognising it is normal to have a cry, feel down, wonder what happened, helps us move on quicker, rather than trying to cover up all those emotions.
Best wishes,
Kate
Bryan
September 16, 2011 • 1:11 am
Kate, thank you for your comment! I would say you’re right. And I have taken that time to feel sad. If we don’t let that out, it catches up with us. Especially when it comes to relationships. But there’s a difference in dealing with the aftermath of the end of something and dwelling on it so that we can’t move on. Thanks so much!
Al Smith
September 15, 2011 • 11:12 am
This is great Bryan. Love these four steps. So important. Couldn’t agree more with your #1. Confidence boosting. Crucial. We have a tendency to get down on ourselves and just keep on sinking. (I have been there, too). Surround yourself with positive people that encourage you and always work on yourself. Personal development books and programs. It helps. It works. Thanks again Bryan.
Appreciate the support on my site, as well.
Take CARE.
Al
Bryan
September 16, 2011 • 1:12 am
Al, self-confidence is so crucial to success and moving on after heartbreak. Sometimes it can take time to build up, so in the meantime, find a way to fill our thoughts with it. Thanks so much for your comment!
J.D. Meier
September 15, 2011 • 1:59 pm
Beautiful insights.
We all need someone in our corner, especially ourselves. Our own self-talk can make us or break us.
Bryan
September 16, 2011 • 1:12 am
JD, I couldn’t have put it better myself! Thanks for your comment!
Debbie @ Happy Maker
September 15, 2011 • 10:17 pm
Hi /Bryan, Know what you are talking about, been there done that. Yes, I got fired after new management came in. Never be smarter that your manager, they really don’t care for that.
Then after firing me they black balled me, tried to stop my unemployment with a 4 hour hearing. I won, but they put me through the ringer.
I did have a very supportive husband, thank heaven and knew the good Lord had something better for me.
I am loving life and look back and I am very thankful to this person. I do forgive her and them, but at the same time feel sorry for them. What comes around goes around.
Thanks for sharing and #1 SURROUND YOURSELF IN CONFIDENCE BOOSTING
is a great place to start.
Debbie
Bryan
September 16, 2011 • 1:14 am
Debbie, wow. You’ve really been through the ringer, haven’t you? Glad you lived to tell about it. You have a great perspective! So glad to have you here.
John Sherry
September 16, 2011 • 6:13 pm
Hey Bryan, just a short add. You see all the great bloggers you’ve attracted here since you’re back? You see the difference you make? We’ve missed you….big time!!
Bryan
September 17, 2011 • 3:41 am
John, you’re a good man. Man, that was a nice thing to say. Thanks.
Ameena Falchetto
September 17, 2011 • 5:46 pm
Turning a negative in to a positive one is easier said than done. When things go wrong it’s really important to look into yourself and really understand what you want to do. It should be viewed as an opportunity no matter how debilitating it can be at the time.
Your tips are all there – I don’t think I can add to that.
When my business had to close because I moved countries (it was on the rocks anyway thanks to the financial crisis) I took the time to think, learn, process and reflect. I did things along the way to make ends meet and a few years later I am back on my feet ready to take on the world! It helps that I surround myself with people, virtually and in real life who motivate, inspire and encourage me. Those who bring you down need to be scrapped!
Bryan
September 17, 2011 • 6:22 pm
Ameena, thanks so much for your comment! So sorry to hear about your business closing. Sometimes, we really do all we can do and it’s not enough. But it sounds like you learned a lot during the process. Thanks for your feedback!
Bryan recently posted..How do you Pick Yourself Up When You’ve just Struck Out?
farouk
October 17, 2011 • 10:38 am
thank you for the encouragement Bryan
all people fall but as long as they stand up they will reach what they want
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